Alone but not lonely

When I was 23 I made it my goal for the year to learn how to be comfortable doing things alone. I had been living in New York City for almost two years and wasn’t really happy with where I was in my life. I drank a lot and I wasn’t a good drunk. My relationship choices were terrible. I was horribly insecure. I was tired of the way that I had been living and wanted a way out.

Somehow I had stumbled upon some self-help blurb about the importance of learning to be by yourself. At this point in my life, I had never gone to a restaurant by myself, lived alone, or traveled alone. I could barely even go to the grocery store by myself. I feared the quietness of my own mind and the judgement of others. But I was desperate for a change and thought it was worth the discomfort.

I still remember the first restaurant I went to alone, it was a burger place in Bushwick that isn’t even around anymore. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries and sat outside, reading my book while they cooked my meal. At the time, it felt like a big deal. And now that I’m looking back, it kind of was. This was the start of my journey to build a relationship with myself.

A solo meal at a burger joint quickly led to my first solo trip to San Francisco. This was the furthest that I ever traveled. My family only vacationed in Florida when I was a kid, so that was the only place I ever went. To say this trip to San Francisco changed my life would be an understatement. It turned my world upside-down. I stayed at an Airbnb in The Mission where you were rented a bunk bed for $25 a night. This was 2015 and Airbnb was in its prime. Before the insane cleaning fees and lengthy list of rules. I met people from all over the world and ate burritos with strangers. I made friends that I’m still in touch with to this day.

If I could build a timeline of the most impactful moments of my life, this trip to San Francisco would be one of them. It switched something in my brain. I came back to New York high on life. The world felt limitless instead of limited. I worked harder so that I could afford more trips. I became comfortable forcing myself into more uncomfortable situations. I joined a new gym in Manhattan where I made some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I got my first studio apartment, I got sober. It was like a domino effect of goodness.

Right now I’m smack dab in the middle of a solo trip to Japan. Tomorrow I will be seven years sober. I can’t help but think that I couldn’t have one without the other. I wouldn’t have my sobriety without the relationship I built with myself. And I wouldn’t have the relationship with myself without my sobriety.

Learning how to be alone taught me how to do hard things. It made me find comfort in discomfort and for that I will always be grateful.

Here’s to another year.

Love ya,

Chelsea