Older and wiser (sometimes)
It’s Saturday night at 7:27 pm and I am in bed, showered and ready to go to sleep. I probably won’t actually fall asleep for a while, but this concludes my sunny day in NYC.
This morning I woke up early and did two loops around Prospect Park with my friend Bianca. We originally planned to only do one but it had been so long since we last caught up that we decided to do another, for gossip’s sake. Two hours and 7 miles later, I was high on friendship and good vibes, despite my aching feet and sore calves (Bianca walks very fast). Never underestimate the power of a long walk with a friend.
Last week was my 36th birthday and for some reason it felt like a big one. It’s kind of funny how random years can feel more significant than others. 30 didn’t feel that big and neither did 35, but for some reason 36 is very… tangible. Like I can grab it and hold it in my hands.
A few months ago, I was talking to a friend who had just frozen her eggs. “I’m 32, my doctor said this was the right time to do it,” I paused for a second and tried to remember my own age. Am I really 35? How did I get here? I asked myself. I don’t feel a strong urge to have kids, but the fact that those so-called “prime years” of decision-making had simply drifted by without me even noticing left a strange and alarming feeling. Time just… passes whether we notice it or not. Like when you’re zoning out on a train and don’t look out the window for a while, then you glance up and suddenly the whole landscape has changed.
This past year I spent a lot of time thinking about the future, but with slightly more trepidation than I did when I was in my 20s. I used to feel like I had forever- like things would always be the way they were. The years would go on but my parents would stay the same age. My sister would live in the same place. My favorite bakery would stay open. The house I grew up in would always be there, and I could always go home. I would change, but everything else would stay the same. Now I know that is not the case.
And this is not meant to sound depressing because it is, in fact, a very good thing. Nothing in this world is permanent, so we must enjoy the moments while we have them. I am more appreciative of my time with loved ones, more motivated to visit friends, and eager to be present. I put my phone away at dinners and listen with intention. I know what makes me happy and have more confidence in my decisions. Maybe this is what it means to get older and wiser.
Part of me wants to be hard on myself for not realizing all of this sooner, but I know there are some things you can only learn with time. If only 21-year-old me could know what I know now! But then I guess I wouldn’t be the person I am today or have so many fun stories about running around Bushwick like I was on the set of Girls in 2012. It was worth it.
I guess all of this to say: I am now 36 and it feels both unbelievable and completely right at the same time. I am very grateful for everything I’ve experienced (the good, the bad, the ugly) and excited for what lies ahead (the good, the bad, the ugly).
One step at a time.
10 Things I’m into right now
Baggy pants!! Comfort over everything. These are the ones in my current rotation!
Yellow curtains - yellow anything, really
Fino Hair Mask - recommended by my hairdresser for my dry hair, it works!
Govee Smart Plugs - every light in my house is on a timer
Fake flowers - look so real and never die!!!
Overnight Face Masks - my skin is SO hydrated the next day
Wired headphones - I just got tired of charging my headphones tbh
A Really Nice Eye Mask - my go-to ~fancy~ gift
Fun Switch Plates - I’ve also found really good luck finding more affordable vintage ones on eBay!!
Suri toothbrush - I’ve had mine for over two years now. Attaches to your mirror! I recommend getting the travel case too! It’s great.
Where I’ve been lately!!
Oh Mary! - I was lucky enough to see Maya Rudolph’s opening night earlier this week! Amazing! phenomenal! Will I ever recover?? I don’t think so!
ABC Kitchens, DUMBO - best meal I’ve had in NYC this year! I recommend!
Lil Frankies - great Italian! great service!
What I’ve watched recently
Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead - amazing, but gave me the worst anxiety
Exit 8 - this gave me anxiety too
Good Hang with Amy Poehler - this doesn’t give me anxiety
Margo’s Got Money Troubles - I will watch anything with Elle Fanning and Nick Offerman
Hokum - I hate scary movies but love Adam Scott
Alone - Will never be me but I love watching others do it
What I’m currently reading
A song for now
Love you!
Chelsea
What did you think of Hokum? I do love scary movies AND Adam Scott! :)