What's in a name?

I want to change my name.

Well, not the whole thing. Just my last name.

I’ve spent the past few years pretending that my last name doesn’t exist. At some point I started swapping out my last name for my middle name (Zeferina) every chance I had. I was doing it so naturally that friends started addressing wedding invitations and birthday cards to “Chelsea Zeferina”, like we all just collectively decided that would be my full name from here on out. It’s not until I go to the bank or have to sign a contract that I’m faced with the reality that it’s not my legal name.

I don’t have a relationship with my biological father. He left when I was very young and I haven’t heard from him in 20 years. As a kid, my name didn’t bother me that much. My last name was my last name. It was also the name of my siblings and my mom. My mom even got remarried and decided not to take on her new husband’s last name. She wanted to have the same last name as her four kids, which now that I’m older I realize was a pretty selfless act. It wasn’t until about 10 years into their marriage and all of her kids became grown adults that she started using my stepdad’s last name consistently.

The older I get, the stranger it feels to carry the name of a man that I have absolutely no connection to. It’s a weird thing to think about, how something as intangible as a name can feel like it so firmly connects us to other people. It feels like it doesn’t matter at all and matters so much at the same time.

“Zeferina” was my great grandmother’s first name and the middle name of both my grandmother and my mother. My mother’s family history is kind of complicated, but I love this name. To me, it symbolizes womanhood and history and strength. It feels like MY name, not my decided name. It feels more like a family name than anything else ever has.

I always assumed that legally changing your name was something super complicated or unnecessary unless you were getting married (which I don’t plan on doing). But the more I’ve spoken about this the more I’ve learned that changing your name is actually a pretty common thing to do, and it’s not that difficult. A couple of years ago my best friend got married and instead of taking on her husband’s last name, they decided to take an entirely new last name together. Pretty cool, right?

I’m curious - how do you feel about your name? Is it something you think about? Have you ever considered changing it? Do you know anyone who changed theirs?

Lots of love,

Chelsea Zeferina

THINGS I DID LATELY:

• Made the Southern Living Carrot Cake for Easter Brunch. It was a hit, but next time I’ll add more nuts (I love a crunchy carrot cake).

• Saw An Enemy of the People on Broadway starring Michael Imperioli, Victoria Pedretti and Jeremy Strong. It was phenomenal.

• Watched The Many Lives of Martha Stewart and all I have to say is WOW! What an amazing, fascinating life she has lived.

• I started going to early morning hot yoga (almost) everyday! I love it but boy do I hate having to wash my hair every single day.

• I spent half of my weekend disco tiling my door!

• I got frozen yogurt at Culture - my favorite froyo spot in the city (but always willing to try more if you have any suggestions!)